Dating app ecology

The principle of using the internet to meet people is not new. However, in the last decade, dating apps have contributed to its normalization as a common medium where intimacy takes place (^{Sepúlveda, 2023}). Dating software (apps) can be downloaded from mobile digital stores. They rely on the communication affordances of smartphones, which can be used anywhere, anytime, and in combination with other functionalities (e.g., location, camera, microphone), predominantly visual. They incorporate gamification strategies to motivate usage while associating dating with an entertainment logic (^{Linne, 2020}). Therefore, among the various reasons for using dating apps-the most common of which is to find a casual or lasting relationship-entertainment and distraction are also present (^{Timmermans & De Caluwé, 2017}).

From a media ecology conception (^{Ong, 2002}; ^{Postman, 1970}), the challenge lies in understanding the changes dating apps bring to the social sphere in a particular field: romantic relationships. The emergence and adoption of dating apps have created an environment where people meet and relationship forms have changed (^{Bandinelli & Gandini, 2022}; ^{Illouz, 2018}, 2019), affecting the decisions users make about satisfying socialization and communication needs. This change, in ^{Postman's (1970)} view, cannot be only seen as another means that is added to the existing elements-technological but also traditional ones (e.g., school, work, networks of friends, family)-but also as having an impact on the existing environment and consequently on the practices that arise from it.

The principles and operating logic underlying dating apps result in a set of practices mediated by such platforms that transform romance. Dating apps are associated with a culture of hooking up, an underlying barrier to forming lasting relationships in which users' emotions are treated as commodities (^{Illouz, 2019}).

The online dating process, strongly conditioned by the rules and affordances of apps, makes users create strategies to succeed. These are reflected in how they build their profile, recognizing that they have to produce a desirable self-presentation, initiate a conversation to get a response and organize a date worth spending time on. From a "cold intimacy" perspective, passion and romance are replaced by efficiency and rationality (^{van Hooff, 2020}) , a shift that widens users' network of potential dates. It is also the affordances and rules of dating apps that allow behaviors considered inappropriate to arise (e.g., ghosting), for users to be victims of deception (e.g., catfishing), and for toxic attitudes to take place (e.g., misogynistic comments; ^{Hetsroni & Tuncez, 2019}).

Moving away from a more technologically deterministic view, while dating apps condition users' behaviors and experiences, users find tactics to get around them (^{De Ridder, 2022}). Technology impacts individuals' vision and actions, and individuals transform, resignify, and readapt technology (^{Scolari, 2012}) according to their needs and purposes. Users classify dating apps as a valid way to meet others (^{Sepúlveda, 2023}), pushing aside the idea that they replace traditional networks and places but instead add to these. This classification results from a dialogical relationship between users and dating apps. It is also the result of a dynamic media ecosystem, wherein the incorporation of dating apps derives from negotiation and use.

Disconnection from social media

The level of digital connection and the role of digital platforms in today's societies is undeniably significant. We are facing a culture of connectivity (^{van Dijck, 2013}) in which platforms impose themselves, governing various areas of everyday life, and dating is no exception. As a critical response to permanent connectivity in which digital technologies compete for users' attention, individuals have started managing their media consumption (^{Lomborg & Ytre-Arne, 2021}; ^{Syvertsen & Elin, 2020}). Referred to as "media disconnection" or "digital detox," such expressions conceptualize individuals' self-regulating behaviors regarding their use of social media (^{Nguyen, 2021}). It is a result of the realization that the appropriation of such technologies in different areas of life mediates daily activities and shapes how people relate and behave (^{Syvertsen, 2020}). Studies have contributed to identifying why individuals do not use, restrict, completely stop using, or express dissatisfaction with digital platforms.

^{Syvertsen (2020)} points out several themes: Offline presence and relationships are felt as more authentic than online ones; productivity issues, based on the fact that the digital is a distracting element; and reasons related to privacy, either about what is shared online or specifically with the use of personal data by the platforms. In terms of lifestyle and consumption patterns, ^{Jorge (2019)} highlights the digital detox process as a performance through which individuals recover their offline social relationships. ^{Nguyen (2021}, ²⁰²³) and ^{Nguyen et al. (2022)} identify reasons for disconnecting related to the platform, the device itself, social influences, and life context. Thus, liking or not liking how a platform works, the shared content, the lack of interest generated, or the feeling of too much information can lead to abandonment. In a specific study on disconnection from the dating app Grindr (^{Brubaker et al., 2016}), participants who stopped using the app indicated that it was a source of distraction, particularly evident when they had started a relationship.

Understanding the phenomenon of digital disconnection requires admitting that the reasons for individuals to self-regulate the use of digital technologies are multiple and heterogeneous (^{Moe & Madsen, 2021}) and can change over time.

As platforms are appropriate in different areas of life and for a diverse range of everyday activities, the scope of studies on digital disconnection goes beyond media studies. They highlight various domains of life and cultural topics, bringing contributions from the perspective of understanding the complexity of relationships between individuals, platforms, and society.

This work intends to contribute to discussing digital disconnection in relation to a very specific typology of digital platforms accumulating users: dating apps. To this end, our established research question is: Why do online daters disconnect from dating apps? Bearing in mind that media disconnection is a process that reflects users' self-negotiation (^{Moe & Madsen, 2021}) as well as meanings attributed to the technology and the behaviors of self-regulation, we aim not only to identify but also to contextualize motives for disconnection from dating apps. Taking into account that dating apps are distinguished from other social media by their positioning, principles of use, and classification by individuals, users or not, this study will contribute concrete data with regard to dating culture.

Survey

Semi-structured interviews

"My experience showed me that I should delete the app" (Óscar, 30)

The most predominant dimension regarding motivation for dating app disconnection was users' experiences (43.78 %). Among these, the argument "Didn't satisfy my needs" was the most frequent (n = 221; 63.32 %). People have several motives for using dating apps and, as the Uses and Gratification Theory applied to this media context shows, users will continue to use it as long as it satisfies their needs (^{Timmermans & De Caluwé, 2017}; ^{Sepúlveda & Vieira, 2020}); when it does not happen, it can give rise to users' disconnection. A participant elaborates: "I started using it because I wanted to meet girls. I thought Tinder would help me, but it didn't. After several attempts, I ended up leaving" (Pedro, 22).

Still, within the scope of experiences, users also indicated that "Nothing new happened" (n = 191; 54.73 %). "When I started using it, I was all excited, but time passed, and that basically boiled down to swiping profiles. I couldn't get dates. I was losing enthusiasm and the will to use it" (João, 27). Joao's testimony highlights not only a lack of results but also a monotony associated with dating apps. These aspects led to the affirmation "Got bored" (n = 59; 16.91 %) and were illustrated through expressions such as, "It was more of the same" (Gonçalo, 31). Although dating apps incorporate gamification principles (e.g., swipe movement or sending notifications when a new match happens or when receiving a new message) to retain users (^{Linne, 2020}), they are not enough. Users' experience is the key to going beyond such functions. If users do not consider the experience satisfying, expressed by the lack of novelty and/or by not having matches or encounters, it can lead to disconnection. In this context, the motive "Didn't meet anyone interesting" (n = 144; 41.26 %) came up, reinforcing the importance of experience. This motive reveals that although conversations take place, they are not guaranteed to be satisfactory, and therefore potentially generate a justification for ceasing usage. As one participant explained, "You are there, swipe profiles, match, and start to talk, but there are people who are so uninteresting, so futile..." (Rute, 29). Francisca (35) gives more detail: "The men I talked to had a simple approach: common compliments and insistence on sex. Not my type."

These experiences and the feeling that dating apps "Didn't live up to expectations" (n = 179, 51.29 %) justified disconnection. Users' expectations could be built through how the apps presented themselves, how they were portrayed, or even by the experience of others. Filipa (32) reported her disappointment: "It seemed that wherever I turned, there were only people talking about dating apps. I decided to use it. It was nothing like I imagined. I got disappointed and quickly uninstalled it. I was looking for some magic and I didn't find it there". Critics have singled out dating apps as romance destroyers by managing them as a business (^{Bandinelli & Gandini, 2022}) while leading to specific practices that impact how dating is experienced.

Users pointed out specific experiences classified as negative (n = 100; 28.65 %). These were related to first, users lying, a common occurrence on dating platforms (^{Sepúlveda, 2023}) but one not accepted-as one participant mentioned: "For me, there is nothing worse than someone who lies. It doesn't matter if he lies on the profile or while texting, for me it had the same importance" (Sara, 36)-and which justifies disconnection due to lack of authenticity (^{Syvertsen & Eli, 2020}). Second, ghosting-the act of cutting off communication for no apparent reason-is a doomed behavior for participants who experience it, "You are talking, and suddenly people disappear. They never get back to you. I can't justify such an attitude" (Nuno, 26). And third, users are potential targets of fraud; as one participant reported, "He had an interesting conversation. The next thing I knew, he was asking me for money. I immediately realized what the purpose was..." (Susana, 38). Dating scams are not new, leading users to report how they were victims of fraud and its impact on themselves and their relationship with dating apps (^{Rege, 2009}), highlighting a lack of security.

Altogether, different kinds of experiences and results of usage justify disconnection from dating apps; not all experiences were directly classified as negative, although the consequences of usage dynamics explained why people stepped back from dating apps.

"The app made (didn't make) me do it!" (Joana, 27)

Dating apps' features, in various forms, were the second-most prevalent dimension regarding disconnection. Most participants said they "Didn't like the overall functioning" (n = 206; 59.03 %). The operating logic of dating apps has been criticized for treating users and their emotions as commodities (^{Illouz, 2018}) and has been indicated in promoting casual relationships. Marta (45) reported, "I didn't like how it worked. What I least liked was the principle... The person is there, exposes themselves... I didn't want to be evaluated based on my physical appearance". This statement supports other criticisms concerning dating apps: how they objectify users by favoring the image over biographical information (^{Sepúlveda, 2023}).

A large number of the study participants pointed to the "Unclear matching system" (n = 142; 40.69 %) as a reason for disconnecting. The matching system results from the action of algorithms, often classified as opaque (Gillespie, 2013), because the platforms do not reveal how suggested user profiles are selected. This lack of clarity stimulates users' indignation, resulting in frustration and the sense of not being able to control results: 'Why were those people presented to me? They had nothing to do with what I was looking for. I didn't know what to do to make it show me other people. It was super frustrating!" (Filipa, 32). This statement reinforces the need for platforms to be more transparent about how they work, specifically how data suggests profiles to a given user.

The ease with which profiles can be created on some platforms since little information is required is another reason for disconnecting, "Poor profile information" (n = 86; 24.64 %). As one participant highlighted: "There are many fields in the profile that are not mandatory. The result? We know very little about people" (Rui, 42). Another participant revealed, "After a while on Tinder, I left and opted for OkCupid. Then the profiles were much more complete because we had to answer a more extensive questionnaire" (Tiago, 36). This statement illustrates a dynamic in which the individual chooses to disconnect from a specific app but continues to use another one that meets their needs. It also shows the possibility of choice and refers to an ecology where different dating solutions coexist.

Other less common reasons, such as "Chat limitations" (n = 41; 11.75 %), "Difficulty in editing the profile" (n = 21; 6.02 %), and "Limited search options" (n = 73; 20.02 %), referred to difficulties that users came across, which had an impact on their practices and could lead to disconnection. However, users also stated how, in some circumstances, they circumvented them: "The chat was very boring. It was not possible to understand the sequence of messages, to send audios... This is why I always suggest moving to WhatsApp" (Oscar, 30). Another strategy mentioned was, "Since I could only have 6 pictures, the first thing I did was put my Instagram handle in the biography" (Rui, 42). These tactics show how users circumvent the impositions of technologies.

Overall, various aspects regarding dating apps' functioning justified app disconnection for some users. The functioning can be related to the structure and logic that involves dating apps or to specificities of certain functions: Some are non-mandatory, and others impose certain behaviors.

"It was not being good for me... I felt saturated" (Marta, 45)

Concerns about participants' well-being were also motivators for disconnection from dating apps. Responses highlighted how "Time consuming" (n = 121; 34.67 %) their use could be, as exemplified by one participant: "The next thing I knew, I was clinging to dating apps all night... I realized that I could be doing other things or spending time with friends" (Francisca, 35). Francisca's testimonial also points to the will to recover social relationships (^{Jorge, 2019}).

Motives such as "Got tired" (n = 113; 32.38 %) and "It negatively affected my self-esteem" (n = 59; 16.91 %) reinforce how dating apps' environments can be hostile (^{Hetsroni & Tuncez, 2019}), resulting in disconnection. Participants identified the possibility of infinite swipes combined with the fact that they did not have results as causes of fatigue: "The profiles never seem to end, and the person is there swiping from one to the other, this combined with not having results led me to exhaustion" (Miguel, 43). It also made them to question their value: "Among so many profiles, I knew I was just one more. I ended up, inevitably, comparing myself with other people, and that made me feel bad..." (Joana, 27). The combination of these factors prompted one participant to state: "All that was too much for me. I got overwhelmed with the process" (Ana, 23).

Altogether, such motives highlight a desire to control the negative effects of dating apps on users' well-being. Some users believe that they could achieve this by limiting dating app usage.

"I wanted to protect my privacy" (Susana, 38)

Privacy concerns also prompted disconnection from dating apps. The most common concern of the participants was that they "Didn't want others to see me online" (n = 61; 17.48 %). Participants stated that they did not want to expose themselves in such media and be subject to judgments: "What will they think if they see me online? That I'm desperate? That this is my last resort? I preferred to leave and not be subjected to this judgment" (Paulo, 28). Participants even mentioned which people they did not want to know that they were using dating apps-colleagues: "One thing is a friend to see you there, another is someone from work. I don't want people to get the wrong idea about me" (Sara, 36). Although the number of dating app users continues to grow, there is still a stigma towards it. This stigma then extends from dating apps to their users.

"[I] didn't want to share my data with the app" (n = 25; 7.16 %) was another privacy concern indicated. Data could be that which was required when registering-"I don't want Badoo to have my email, I don't want to receive any type of communication" (Sandra, 21)-or that participants considered more private-"I don't want to share my name, age or even photographs, I don't know what they will do with them" (Gonçalo, 31). These arguments reveal not only the users' will but also their lack of knowledge on how dating app companies collect, use, process, and store data. Although such information is part of the Terms of Service of the apps, it is not sufficient and clear for users, this concern being a motive to disconnect. Additionally, dating apps have been accused of not guaranteeing the security of their users' data and of sharing private information (^{Wallace, 2020}), which can increase and sustain this mistrust.

Privacy issues come into play from a macro perspective regarding how apps collect, process, and share users' data, and from a micro perspective in how users' acquaintances may come to know that they use dating apps.

"Other things were happening in my life, and Tinder stopped making sense" (João, 27)

Dating app usage is contextualized by life events (^{Sepúlveda & Vieira, 2020}); in the same way, its disconnection was also justified by life transitions. The most common argument among participants was, "Started a relationship" (n = 118; 33.81 %). To elaborate, interviewees uttered, "I was seeing someone, and for that reason, I deleted my profile" (Miguel, 43) or, "When being in a relationship, it made no sense to continue using dating apps" (Rute, 29). These testimonials suggest the meaning attributed by users to dating apps as well as the purpose of using them.

Another motive for disconnection regarding life transitions was "Stop making sense" (n = 73; 20.92 %). When explored in the interviews, participants gave clues about events in their lives that led to app abandonment: "I started using it when I went to study abroad, then I returned to Portugal and turned it off" (Nuno, 26), or pointed to a need that no longer existed: "I used it at a specific moment. I had just broken up. I wanted to have fun. Now that's not what I'm looking for and that's why I stopped using it" (Pedro, 22).

Dating apps are added to traditional sites and networks through which we meet other people (e.g., school, workplace, friends, family) rather than positioning themselves as alternative means (^{Sepúlveda, 2023}). As part of users' everyday life activities, dating apps cannot be isolated from the occurring events. They can have various impacts, causing users to resignify dating apps, what they are for, and when and how to incorporate them, thus being a basis for disconnection.